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From Jewel:
None of us are the sum of our past life. The past isn't something to cling to. It does not identify us, nor does it label us. God doesn't judge us for our past - what's gone is gone, nor is it useful to look back. This is something that took me decades to learn.
What matters is here and now. What is vital for each of us is focusing on the present, living in this very moment, with our eyes fixed on the things that matter.
We change daily, for better or for worse. We are constantly growing, living and learning. Therefore, what we are doing at this very moment - the life we are living at this very moment - is what matters. The past has gone, and the future has not yet come.
One of my favorite quotes is from The Lord of the Rings when Gandalf is offering gentle words of chastening and comfort to Frodo. Frodo is sorrowful over the trials and adversities that have plagued his journey. He is wishing the ring had never come to him.
Gandalf's response is a beautiful and timely one: "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." These wise words would guide Frodo and come to help navigate him and Sam through the growing trials to come.
All of this is to say, living in the present and focusing on what is right in front of us will fill us with far more gratitude than dwelling on what was. Since God doesn't hold the past against us, we shouldn't either, nor should we attempt to keep others fixed on what was, or judge a person for a life that we truly know nothing about. Only God knows what drives our choices in this life, and as I've said before, it is a dangerous thing to take upon ourselves a job that will never be ours. But we flawed human beings are excellent at playing the judge, aren't we?
The whole belief that each of us is forever a sinner in this life is another way of judging, not only judging others, but ourselves as well, keeping the wall between us and God locked in place. God never put that wall there, we did, and we still do. It is a powerful crutch that is sometimes used to beat someone upside the head rather than help them to walk the path of goodness.
This life is about each of us living and loving as best we can. It's about loving God and loving our neighbor without placing upon others our own biased judgments. It's about just being good to one another. When we take upon ourselves the position of unrighteous judge, we damn ourselves in the process.
And who are we to tether others to our judgments and our views on life?
Who are we to decide what is important to God and what isn't?
Who are we to decide who needs our support and who doesn't?
Who are we to decide another's worthiness?
THIS IS NOT OUR JOB.
OUR JOB IS TO LOVE, pure and simple.
There is so much to be grateful for in this life. True, we are all imperfect, but living a life of simple gratitude for the blessings of each new day is everything.
Among all the gazillion things I am grateful for in my life is the gift of Jordan's friendship and his place in my world. For me, Jordan will always be the beloved brother that heaven chose to place in a different home, life keeping us separate until it was time to bring us together. Our lives are parallel in many ways, but when our hearts were ready, God laid the path for us to find each other. He took two souls that were once broken and placed the construction materials before us to rebuild each other up again.
Even today, at this very moment, that building continues. I could say I wish we had met sooner and had had more time together in this life, but that would not be living in this very moment, filled with gratitude for the time we have had.
As I write this, I am teary and a little emotional, not because I am sad, but because I'm so grateful for both the joyful and the sorrowful times I've shared with Jordan. I couldn't feel any closer to him if we shared the same blood. Because in the end, the blood doesn't matter. The shared heart and spirit are what matter.
At the present, Jordan is living life the same spiritually, as he has over the past decades, with a heart devoted to God and full of love for others. I don't think I have another friend with a purer heart.
Sadly, at times, Jordan's love has not been fully reciprocated, and the abuse in his life has never truly gone away, it simply changed colors and switched hands, both knowingly and unknowingly. The emotional mind games others play are ongoing and cause him pain.
At the present, Jordan's life is one of pain, exhaustion, and emotional suffering. Yet he still thinks of others and strives to use the time he has left in this life loving God and living his best spiritual life. His life is on God's timetable, and God is staying close in preparation for the final period of his suffering.
Emotionally, I can't let my thoughts travel to what will come because it would hurt too much and defeat the purpose of living in the moment.
One day Jordan will no longer be here. On that day, I will grieve, but not until then. Until then, I will love him and serve him as best I can. Then there will never be need to regret anything.
Apart from God and my husband, Jordan knows me better than anyone. He knows my heart and knows his place in it, just as I know his. His place in my life is a gift I will be forever grateful for.
Some people are religious, some are spiritual, and some are atheist or still searching. But no matter your beliefs, when you truly love someone, you show and share that love in the here and now. My wish for Jordan is that all who claim to love him will show and share that love now, not out of obligation or as a box to be checked off (I despise checklist!) because tomorrow isn't promised to any of us.
Jordan, I love you, my family loves you, and your place in our hearts is permanent.
Always remember that.
